seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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