He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
