I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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