I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize