Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
