Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
