Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
