garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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