i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I smell stomach acid.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
