i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im six kinds of drunk right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
