I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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