Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
