so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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