I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
