You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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