You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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