Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
