Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
