Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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