Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
