He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
