I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
