that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
