For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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