just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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