doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
