She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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