we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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