my vag is so smooth its legendary
this just has baby written all over it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
