Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
