you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
