Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
