Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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