not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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