I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize