I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
