i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
