the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
