ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
