shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
