she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
