She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
