From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
