You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
