The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize