Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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