your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
