out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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