I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
