that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize