her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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