I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
