i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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