you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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