I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
