i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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