We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
