sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
