someone threw a dead crab at me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
