Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
