Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
