butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
