when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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