A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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