A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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