Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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