Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Randomize
