Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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