He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
