and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
