i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
