Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
