I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
