Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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