Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
