If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
