Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
