I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
