my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize