Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
