Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
