I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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