The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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