I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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