So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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