Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
