went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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