So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
