that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
