When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
